Feelin a Little Bit Grown Up Everyday.

So being 19. Knowing that 20 feels so far away yet so soon. I still can't believe I'm grown up alot. I feel a little mature each and evveryday. I mean I am young! so I still want to have my fun as an adult. Don't want it to be so boring. I've been going through stuff mostly childhood stuff. Cant believe it looking back at the good times with barbies and all that its like I wish I can be a kid again. Kids don't have nothing to really worry about they get to have all the fun and be worry free. I've been watching little kids play outside in our neighborhood. Its like awe i remember being a kid and just having fun nothing to worry about. I do have my struggle with the boys at this moment just dont feel like talking to any boys right now just the way one a certain one or two of them has been acting around me. But its all teenage hormones. Seriously in a way I am soo ready for normal adult world no more teenage hormone sick minded boys just a mature enough man! (; thats my type. I know things will only get better. I have learned something new about myself. I've gone kinda Amish or whatever they called it. Im just trying to figure out what i really like and dont like. Thats why i dont talk to any of my friends. Just wanna be left alone for awhile just figure out things. and i have a feeling some boys will go and some girls will stay.
I mean don't get me wrong! I love my friends i love being around them knowing that they are hear for me but seriously i think i feel like just dropping them for awhile deciding what i really want and who will really be there and if nobody aleast i got my family. Just this whole situtaion with boys asking if i am available knowing they have a girlfriend. I feel soo grown up also cause in the next 2 years i'll be moving out of my parents home. I am soo ready to be out on my own. And i shouldnt have nothing to worry about i got a good amount of money in my bank account. I just wanna make sure im in good hands when i get out on my own and have my own family. I just wanna make sure theres enough money if i ever need it. And i might be the type of parent that will have a savings account for my kids so they have money to go to college if thats ever going to happen. But aleast they have somewhat money for their education. Its crazy to think of a husband and kids. Like seriously its like where did being a kid go from like just playing and having fun to being an adult.
But i know someday i'll make a good mommy! (: Hopefully i dont go wrong with any of my kiddo's.