Thinking about my life and being happy and living life to the fullest and enjoying it. Sometimes I wish i could feel what its like always being depressed and always down in the dump and stressed out over everything. I feel soo sorry for my friends that suffer from depression. Sometimes I wonder what its like to think about sucide and cutting myself. But then again i wouldnt wanna live a depressed life. I rather think happy and positive and rather enjoy living life to the fullest. Its sad that some people just end up depressed and it takes over their life and just ruins it. I like my life the way it is i wouldnt want to change it. All though the people in it i can sometimes just get that feeling of wanna get rid of them. I guess happiness is only a choice you want to make and i choose being happy. I will not leave earth until i have fullfilled my life. But it would be nice in a way to feel depressed so i know what they feel like all the time and see if i can help them out. Being stressed out alot isnt healthy its the worst feeling ever makes you sick after awhile. I know it made my friend soo sick she ended up going to the hospital early in the morning before school started I guess  i kinda cant help those with depression  cause i dont know what its like probably will never know what its like but its just that sad moment when you wanna help but when you never felt like that before you dont know what to say or do or you only can say soo much to help prevent the sucidal. I feel soo helpless to some of my friends who have been suffering from depression. Id hate to live my life like that nor i wouldnt want to ever live my life all depressed and what not. But if i did try to be depressed i would only be depressed for so long then go back to being happy cause i wouldnt want the depressing feeling to take over my life.

Feelin a Little Bit Grown Up Everyday.

So being 19. Knowing that 20 feels so far away yet so soon. I still can't believe I'm grown up alot. I feel a little mature each and evveryday. I mean I am young! so I still want to have my fun as an adult. Don't want it to be so boring. I've been going through stuff mostly childhood stuff. Cant believe it looking back at the good times with barbies and all that its like I wish I can be a kid again. Kids don't have nothing to really worry about they get to have all the fun and be worry free. I've been watching little kids play outside in our neighborhood. Its like awe i remember being a kid and just having fun nothing to worry about. I do have my struggle with the boys at this moment just dont feel like talking to any boys right now just the way one a certain one or two of them has been acting around me. But its all teenage hormones. Seriously in a way I am soo ready for normal adult world no more teenage hormone sick minded boys just a mature enough man! (; thats my type. I know things will only get better. I have learned something new about myself. I've gone kinda Amish or whatever they called it. Im just trying to figure out what i really like and dont like. Thats why i dont talk to any of my friends. Just wanna be left alone for awhile just figure out things. and i have a feeling some boys will go and some girls will stay.
I mean don't get me wrong! I love my friends i love being around them knowing that they are hear for me but seriously i think i feel like just dropping them for awhile deciding what i really want and who will really be there and if nobody aleast i got my family. Just this whole situtaion with boys asking if i am available knowing they have a girlfriend. I feel soo grown up also cause in the next 2 years i'll be moving out of my parents home. I am soo ready to be out on my own. And i shouldnt have nothing to worry about i got a good amount of money in my bank account. I just wanna make sure im in good hands when i get out on my own and have my own family. I just wanna make sure theres enough money if i ever need it. And i might be the type of parent that will have a savings account for my kids so they have money to go to college if thats ever going to happen. But aleast they have somewhat money for their education. Its crazy to think of a husband and kids. Like seriously its like where did being a kid go from like just playing and having fun to being an adult.
But i know someday i'll make a good mommy! (: Hopefully i dont go wrong with any of my kiddo's.

Just a little Something.. This Weekend!! (:

Yeah this weekend was a good one. I went to Taco bell with my mom on Friday for lunch we tried the new derito taco oh it was soooo yummy! then we went to Spanish Fork to drop some clothes off at my friends house so she can wear them since i've out grown them alot. This is the best part me and my friend Chay chay got to chat and just catch up she's going to be in high school next year (the new school year)
soo crazy! Soo we ended up having a sleep over so glad i got to hang out with her again its been along time. We had some fun she's one of my childhood friends soo we Tie Died shirts and made friendship bracelets even made some yummy chocolate chip cookies too. It was soo much fun just like the old days what we used to do we loved making crafts thats what we always did. Soo it was nice being able to do that with her again. I also got a letter from the missionary i write to YESS!! I was soo happy when i saw his letter in the mailbox and it made me giggle a bit from what he said and this is like the most of my favorite part of the letter " Oh com on, football is not hard to understand! Haha I bet Dallin will teach you" hahaha my thought was ohh noo hahaha like yeah sure am i supposed to just go up to Dallin and ask him " Dallin will you teach me about football?" hahaha he would probably wonder what the heck hahahaha. But maybe i'll have him teach me if he has time and before he leaves on his mission.  I also got to hang out with my BFF! Jennifer. (: I dont like her boyfriend! Her boyfriend is  a control freak and an idiot like they were talking about me i guess from what i heard and he asked is your friend cute? Jennifer said yes she is. ( Well you dont tell a boy your friend is cute) Cause knowing Chad her boyfriend is an idiot will come after me. Seriously just cause im available like what the Shizz! Really??? I'm not the type of girl to mess with they think they can cheat on my friends with me well then they got something coming at them seriously. I freaking hate when boys wanna do this. well he's a type that wouldnt have a chance with me soo he could hit on me all he wants if he met me in person but he's not my type of boy to date. Id stay away from him. Hahahaha but other then that we had some fun hahaha we made bracelets and played games i showed her how to play M.A.S.H its a game about your future or something like that and then we made up silly stories. Just like me and my friend Chay Chay did. hhahaha we kept laughing alot til it hurt hahahhaha and then we were like crying from laughing we had tears coming down our faces hahahaha but it was a fun day. We took some pictures also soo it was a pretty good weekend... And me and my friend chay chay when we are in our 20's me and her are going on a cruise to Hawaii. I am sooo excited i cant wait. I hope we will be able to go cause it would be soo fun. Now i cant til summer when me and Chay chay hang out alot more hopefully cause its been soo long hopefully we can sleepover again cause it would be fun. Im glad i got to have some fun this weekend.

This is My Dream!

Hahahaha so this is my dream i had last night what an interesting dream actually two dreams hahahaha. So i was sound a sleep all the sudden i start dreaming i am in the hospital and doctors are doing something to me and my stomach starts feeling unpleasent during the dream. hahahahaha I woke my self up out of it and i was so scared to go back to sleep but i went back to sleep anyways. hahahahaha heres another dream i had. All the sudden the house is on fire hahahahhaha.


I told my mom about it hahahahahahaha she's wondering what the heck i've been watching but i havent been really watching much tv soo i dont know. hahahaha she's like  oh m gosh where do you keep getting these dreams from?? hahahahaha like i dont know mom my mind just runs off thinking about different things i guess. hahahahaha. but yeah i have some entertaining dreams hahaha pretty weird scary ones.

Thursday morning (April 5th) I had surgery done. I had a tooth removed. But something interesting before i had surgery. On the way to the oral surgeon place. Me and my dad almost got in a car accident we almost hit a school bus the stupid bus driver thought he could hurry and make a turn well we could of hit the bus luckily we didn't.
But surgery was a success I was put asleep. Laughing gas helped soo much they got the tooth removed which is nice. I was so out of it i dont remember much I woke up crying and i dont remember alot after that but it was alright if i was out of it cause the medicine was wearing off. and im happy to know the tooth is gone and plus i am on the road to recovery. I've been recovering feeling really out of it. I take 3 medications Soo as long as i take my medications i'll be okay. I've been sleeping alot which is good i got stitches in my mouth that will dissappear on their own which is good. I havent been able to do much but i've been getting better and better each day. I can somewhat smile again which is nice it just hurts a bit.
but deffiently worth it cause i wont have the tooth bugging me anymore.

Here We Go

Sooo nervous and scared for surgery. Today is the day later in the morning i'll be getting surgery.
Alot is going through my head all i can hope for is everything goes as planned and i'll wake up okay. I get worried something will happen but its normal to be worried but i'll be happy to get rid of the pain.

I have to go 8 hours with out food and drink (including water) its killing me. But i'm looking forward to the recovery that should go very well.

Alot of people have wished me good luck sooo hopefully things go right.

I am loving this weather. I been outside most of my day last saturday. Loved the nice warm weather it makes me want summer even more. I even got a sunburn from being outside which is good cause i need the sun i need the color. Hopefully i can be tan again like i did when i was a kid i loved being outside alot when I was a kid but when its nice and warm we had high 80 degrees weather on Saturday. Been outside playing with my cousins who slept over last Friday night and walked them to the park got some good exercise now my legs hurt like crazy and i woke up with a nice lovely sunburn. I just love this nice weather and now its spring and its april and im getting even more excited for summer. It will be fun to be outside in the nice hot weather I hate the cold alot but since we didnt have much of a winter all though it wasnt to cold it was cold and its been windy alot we only got a bit of snow.

I get surgery on Thursday morning soo i'll be recovering for a week. I cant eat anything for 8 hours so i have to go on a empty stomache but it will be worth it cause i'll feel soo much better and be happy to have that tooth outta my mouth. Thank goodness for pain killers I'll be put to sleep though its a K9 tooth just bugging me. They will use a gold chain to get this tooth removed. So im going to be out of it for awhile. Probably wont feel like doing alot. Just probably sleep soo im going to be a sleepy girl.