10 Months

It's been 10 months this month as this 15 months wait for Jaw Surgery is almost over with and i couldn't be happier. I must say TMJ is ruining my life now as i develop new symptoms of TMJ and not only do i go days feeling so sick to the stomach without throwing up. I developed a new symptom of TMJ at the beginning of this new year i now get to have fun with painful ringing in my ears and now i have to be careful  cause i have read up on it on Google and found out the painful ringing can cause me to go deaf and in another way TMJ is ruining my life i can get a good nights sleep and feel very exhausted by the middle of the afternoon TMJ has me all miserable and tired all the time now.
The other day i went to my Orthodontist appointment and they had put my final last wires in my braces these wires are bigger than the ones i had started with since i first got my braces on last year. My orthodontist came by to check on my mouth and to see how things were going. He lifted up my mood so very much knowing that i'm miserable and sick of this. He was telling me " your mouth is changing so much" and than he asked me " Are you happy your mouth is changing?" I shook my head and said yes i'm very happy with the way its changing. He than said " you've come a long way in 10 months that's a year" and i just smiled and knew that this was it there's no quitting or giving up now. He was also telling me " We're just waiting for the spaces to close" and he told me " I'm happy your doing this." I don't get to see my Orthodontist again till May but on my next appointment they are adding some more hooks on some of my teeth and i will get different bands to wear. This is it. We're almost done getting my mouth ready for the surgery. 10 months down 5 months left to go. This has been a fun mess and quite the journey I've been on. I still can't believe i'm going through this. I'm still waiting to hear if i get double jaw surgery done and we are hoping to find out soon on how much this surgery will cost. I've been over whelmed with everything going on in my life and i told my dad this dad i wish i didn't have this jaw problem and my dad says " i know i wish i could help" Sometimes people probably wonder how i can be so positive about it and they probably want to ask me aren't you worried something will go wrong during surgery? no i'm not worried that something will go wrong. I'll be in good hands through out the surgery and yes it does scare me now that i'm realizing that this is all happening soon. I'm very glad i'm getting this taken care of this year or else it would of been to late to get it all fixed as things are getting more and more intense with my jaw and it feels like falling off my face and its nice to have a rude awakening when my jaw pops loud and cracks. Ice. heat and ibuprofen have became my best friends throughout this whole jaw mess and it will be nice after this is all fixed so i don't have to rely on the Ice, Heat and Ibuprofen to help calm the pain.

The Apology I Never Got

 I guess its safe to say its been quite a year since my friend pulled that stunt on me and ever since than we aren't close anymore. She got what she wanted and she's okay with it and i have learned in the past year she will never forgive me for it and i honestly don't want to ask her for an apology cause i don't want to start it with her. She's one of those people you start arguing with and they drag it on forever and forever and don't shut up. As i was going through quotes for motivation i happened to come across this quote " Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got." and that is right life has only became easier for me knowing that i have accepted the apology i will never get. I've become so distant from her cause now i know her personality now and i am cautious with how close i get with her again. Its sad I'm afraid of her and she's only like 9 months older than me and i just don't have time for her bull crap anymore. I will never forgive her for how she treated my best friend he never deserved any of this. She can hardly tolerate me and i honestly don't care if she can hardly tolerate me and to think she used to talk about me all the time while i lived in Las Vegas and she would talk about me on Facebook. I get it i'm the friend she kicked to the side of the curb i will no longer be that cool friend anymore and let me just say it hurts to know she has replaced me with someone she hated and that someone who she couldn't stand and she would call her annoying and stupid. I honestly rather deal with her hating me and liking me when i was a kid. She may miss me now and miss hanging out with me and everything but i honestly don't even miss her and i don't really think about her anymore all though at times she will cross my mind. I feel bad for her that she deals with depression and stress all the time but that was her choice she created it this way ever since 10th grade in High School. I keep hoping she will learn a lesson and move on from it. Its been a good change since this all happened she doesn't Skype me anymore which is nice cause i'm tempted to get rid of Skype now cause i really don't use it anymore. I don't even talk to her if she talks to me i'll talk to her but its not much of a conversation anymore so i just ignore her after awhile. She's still not allowed to see what i write on Facebook or comment on anything i post or share. She's very Jealous of me and has been since we were teenagers while i lived in Las Vegas. Our communication isn't anything like it used to be and if she ever has a problem with me ever again she better just tell it straight to my face. I hope she is happy with the way she wanted this and even though i have to live with the fact that i will never get her apology for what she did. Maybe one day our friendship will be back to normal and like they say friendship breakup is harder than relationship break ups and it really is hard. I know it will kill her when the day i get married happens especially when she finds out there's someone special in my life now <3 For now i'll just do what makes me happy and live my life and all i can do is hope for the best for her even if our friendship doesn't exist anymore.

Provo City Temple

I've had some fun adventures so far since 2016 started and a couple of weeks ago i got the chance to tour the new Provo City Temple part of the open house tour they had for the public. I may not go to church very much anymore but a least i still have my heavenly father apart of my life. The Provo City temple is pretty and different from the other temples. I also got to go on a hike in Salt Lake City with someone special <3 i could tell i needed that the most. :)

When I Feel Like Quitting

This is so me right now.. When i feel like quitting and want to get this over with. My mom reminded me that i'm almost there. I'll just keep pushing.