Just Friends

Lately there is a certain someone that has thought that there is something going on between me and my best friend. Clearly there is nothing going on between me and him. Were just best friends heck our friendship can barely survive with me and him. I just wanna make it clear that there is nothing going on. I wish that someone would understand there's not. Sorry to make her mad but he's my friend too so I can talk to him all I want heck I even can talk to him all night if I wanted. I'm his friend too and he likes talking to me too and with this certain someone acting different and not herself me and him have became only closer were trying to help each other cope with the new her and its not going so well at all. I feel sorry for her that she has decided to let satin in her life but maybe one day she will learn the consequences. And he's the only one there for me in this since he's known her since 6th grade too and he's trying to help me figure out what we can do with her and honestly were lost we give up. Were done! we don't know what to do with her and we don't know how to help her. He's really sad that me and her will pretty much be done being friends he really doesn't want to see me and her end the friendship. I'm sorry if I made her feel this way I hope one day she can realize that there is nothing going on and all i'm doing is ending up defending him every time me and her talk about him. Sure he teases me and messes with me but that's our friendship he really likes messing with girls especially me. I don't know if me and him will ever date it could happen but not right now its not the right time right now with him being on his mission. I wish there was a way I could talk to her about this and make it very clear but I really cant so i'm stuck.

2 Years Today

2 years ago today I lost my Grandma Carroll we all miss and love her. Crazy how fast time flies by fast. Nothing makes me happier than knowing she is in heaven with my Grandpa again. I will forever remember the dream I had about her when I got to see her and talk to her one last time after she died and I'm pretty lucky the only one in my family that got to see her young again. It may feel like its going to be forever till I get to see her again. But during this time God be with her till we meet again.
All the fun memories we have with her. Yeah she's had 2 strokes before she died so sad but yet so funny. We get a kick out of the whole "I called a taxi to come take me away so you guys don't have to worry about me" that was funny but sad at the same time. I'm not gonna talk about my dream I had about her but I know she's told me everything's going to be okay and she loves me and wants me to be happy and she said that she will always be here for me just in my heart now.

I just wanted to add in a note I wrote to her for her funeral day 2 years ago.

Grandma,
I want you to know I love you so very much and I'll miss you like crazy. Thanks for
everything you are the best grandma I've had in my life. I wish I could just hug you one last time it wasn't easy seeing you go like this. We had some fun times together when me and Eric were kids and we would come over and we would go outside in the back to blow bubbles and you would blow bubbles for us and we'd try to pop them and one of the memories I have with you is playing school and kitchen and we would pretend to cook food. Thanks for making those memories with me. I know you want me to be happy too. I remember my Junior year in high school I would tell my parents that I wanted you to be around for my graduation and when I was a Senior in high school before I graduated I just wanted you here for my graduation and you were able to be here. I know you weren't able to be there but you got to hear all about it and see me in my cap and gown. I know you were so proud of me. Thanks for being here for my 19th birthday. You were always worried about me and my brothers and when we were sick you would tell mom and dad to take us to the doctors when we knew it was just a simple cold and we would get over it. I guess it's goodbye for now I have a special place in my heart and I can't wait to see you again someday. Tell grandpa hi for me.
Love Jessica

I really hope she's enjoying heaven and I hope she is happy and I hope she's taking care of grandpa. I hope she's not partying to hard cause were not there to party with her. I hope she watches over us and helps keeps us safe and I really hope she looks down to see me smile cause I know she loved my smile. (:

Topic of the day: People Change

This is like sad! People change and someone I know so close to me that means so much to me has changed into someone their not. I know I've changed but as I've changed I made sure I still have the Jessica everyone knows and loves and likes. But its really hard to be there for them since they changed. Its sad someone I once knew became someone I used to know. Honestly our friendship hasn't always been perfect either we've had our moments and been through thick and thin. I honestly thought this would never happen. She means so much to me I value our friendship and have so much fun with her we've grown up together I know it hasn't been so easy getting along either but I honestly don't know what to do I'm having a hard time getting to know the new her. Its like she forgot that she knew everything about me. Its just been very awkward and weird talking to her a lot. I will never ever give up on someone I know I need to be there for her but I feel like just giving up and once she finds herself she can come back to me if she remembers me. I know as you get older you change and the things that you had in common with your friends becomes different and you just suddenly loose interest in everything that your friend has in common with you. I know we have our likes and dislikes we both don't like the same thing and that's okay. But still to grow up and grow apart from each other its sad. I knew it would happen one day and honestly I didn't think it would happen till I got married but I guess that one day is now. It makes me wanna cry.



Me and her may be having a struggle and she may of lost her self and she might be going down the wrong path and let satin in but no matter what happens I'm afraid to loose my Best Friend. I'd hate to loose her and I honestly don't know what id do without her. She has changed but the memories haven't changed and I wont ever forget the memories.

 

 

I hope one day me and her will be on good terms and it really does hurt remembering who she used to be. But for now until she finds her self I guess I'll keep hanging on tight and keep hoping that she can get back on the right track. I know one day she will need me if she even remembers who I am.

 



Oh My Gosh! How Much I've Changed.

Talk about growing up into a beautiful young woman. (: The one on the left was taken when I was in 5th Grade. The one on the right was just recently after I turned 21. Freaking heck. Curse my cuteness I might as well be cute. (: Crazy how fast time flies by. And the right one it may look like I have make up on I don't its all natural. :) I've changed so much. Its Crazy!!!

Happy Happy Birthday to Me

On Saturday we celebrated my 21st birthday early we went to Texas Road house it was so yummy they had some good food and of course we were joking about me having a beer hahahaha cause my grandpa was like now she can come with me to get a beer hahahahaha. but I wasn't officially 21 yet. And after the dinner we went to my grandma's house and celebrated my birthday and I got a snickers cake it was so yummy and I opened her present that she got me. It was a blast on Saturday I had so much fun. And Yesterday was my birthday my official 21st birthday and I got another cake since there wasn't much left of  the snickers cake and my dad took me out to lunch and even though it was their anniversary too they let me have the day and they are gonna go out to dinner tonight and than he got me my favorite game ever my favorite Sims 3 game and I got other stuff to and its been so much fun. My BFF sang happy birthday to me over Skype and a lot of people wished me happy birthday on Facebook. all in all my 21st birthday was a good one. I still can't believe it I'm now legal to drink and all that fun stuff if I wanted to drink I could but I really don't want to drink never happening in this life time that's for sure.

Happy October! :)

I can't believe its already October. Like where did half the year go?? crazy how this year is just flying by so fast. Only 3 months left of this year and than we go into 2014! Soooo Crazy. But I cant wait for the Holidays to start all though i'm not really a fall/winter person.

I'm also getting excited cause tomorrow we celebrate my 21st birthday. Me my family and my cousin Steven and Grandma and Grandpa are going to Texas Road house for the first time. Can't wait go eat there.

And the best part is that there is only

left till I turn 21! All though i'll probably be spending it by myself. I don't celebrate with friends anymore. I grew out of that a long time ago. But on Monday i'll be celebrating my official 21st birthday. So the real "Happy Birthday" wont happen till Monday. I might just make myself a pink cake and frost 21 all over it.